Tender Mercies

I saw this quote for the first time a week ago on my friend's fridge. When I see most quotes I think, "oh that's a nice one," and then go off and forget about it within a minute. Not this one. This quote really resonated with me and I couldn't get it off of my mind. I'm still thinking about it a week later.  Early on in my pregnancy my doctor told me that I "was at risk for preterm labor" because of my past history (i.e, a uterine septum that was resected). They scared me with these words because I was born nearly 6 weeks preterm and I didn't want to have to go through that for my own. I wondered if my body would be able to do this whole pregnancy thing, especially with my past three miscarriages.  Now, here I am, two days away from being 39 weeks and have had no sign of impending labor, nor do I desire to be induced. As I try and keep my mind and body occupied while I await my baby, I have been watching many of my friends post pict...

When I was a college student, I was given a syllabus at the start of every semester. It laid out exactly what I needed to do to earn an A: turn in all assignments on time, go to office hours, study, and email my professors when I had questions. Getting an A was pretty straight forward and though lots of work was required, I was able to obtain my goal. I've learned that pregnancy is not like this. There is no owner's manual (even though What to Expect When You're Expecting  can be a good resource, it's not perfectly tailored to the individual).  During this pregnancy, I have learned that no matter how well I eat, sleep, exercise, or do what my doctor advises, the pregnancy is still going to do what it wants to do. I need to surrender . Surrender to the way my baby girl has decided to grow, all while doing  my best to be my best, healthy self. This is not a "check-the-box" approach like getting good grades in college was.  When I began this pregnanc...

We don't always get the answer we want to a prayer we so desperately give.  But we always get the answer we needed in that moment... As an 18 year old teenager I wasn't the easiest to get along with, at least not with my parents. I attribute most of this to my naturally type-A personality exacerbated by my over-training at the ice rink and not eating enough. Ya, not eating enough and being tired physically is a sure way to mess up the emotional stability of any teenager, let alone any human being.  Over the course of 4 years living away at college and then 3 years up in Alaska with my husband, there really wasn't a time that I could (or took the time to) mend my relationship with my mom. For some reason I just needed to be independent and strong and do things my way, not allowing for proper communication with my mom over the short holidays when we were together for a brief moment. I didn't realize there was anything between us; I felt like we had a perfectly ...

...or so I thought. And you did too. Happy April Fools Day! I had been having baby dreams and feeling nauseous on and off during spring break, and I knew I would test immediately when I returned home from our road trip. The test was barely visible and I didn't believe it, so I said nothing to Marshall. That night I had a dream where the next pregnancy test I took was a solid double line. Well, two days after the first test, I got my obvious positive. I was so excited. Not knowing if it would be a good pregnancy or not, I tested again two days later and the line was darker, so I felt confident.  The past two pregnancies I miscarried at approximately 6 or 7 weeks both times, so I was pretty nervous about this one. What if it happened again? Would I be strong enough? Knowing that I needed extra strength and prayers, I asked roughly 40 of our family and closest friends to fast and pray with us on Easter Sunday. That Sunday I was on the top of the world. I felt so strong an...

Oh fall. A season where we are reminded of the reality of change in our lives. Change is hard. But it is also beautiful, just as this oak tree in my front yard.  A couple of years ago I was given a dress from a friend.  Back then it slid right off of me, but I put it in my closet to wear in a future time when I was "pregnant and bigger." As a military wife, I have opportunities to dress up for various balls, so it's always nice to have something in the closet. Last semester I was told that there would be an ROTC ball this fall, so when I tried on the said dress in May, it fit perfectly. I was so happy that I had something already to wear for next week's ball. Last night I tried on the dress, one week before the event. It was a good 2 inches too small! I couldn't believe it. I finally thought my weight had stabilized, but I continue to increase, especially over this past month. I don't know why.  I suppose that 8 years of restricting calories a...

Angels exist on Earth.  We were attending church with my in-laws this past weekend because my husband and I were in town for a wedding. There was the usual small talk, smiles, and greetings in the chapel, intermixed with the prelude from the organ before the meeting began. The two of us sat down in the front row where Marshall's mom was sitting and Grandma walked up to say hi. She wrapped her arms around Marshall first, then turned to me with a kiss on the cheek and a warm embrace. I guess Grandma could tell something was up because when she asked me how I was doing, I answered with no words, only an open floodgate of tears.  Just as grandmas do, Grandma Adams knew exactly how to help me. With her cheek pressed against my head, she held me tight while my shoulders shook. Grandma handed me her white hankie, embroidered with a single pink rose.  "This is for you to wipe away your tears. Remember that there will be many tears to wipe away in the future; tears...

We are going to Kauai, Hawaii in 44 days!! And when I say "we," I mean me, my husband, my mom, dad, and brothers and sisters! It is literally going to be a family reunion.  I can't wait until I can take my own pictures in Kauai! But I would be ungrateful if I didn't thank my parents and my Heavenly Father for making it possible for us to go.  My dad bought tickets for them 10 months ago, but I wasn't planning on going until February when my little sister got her mission call and I realized I wouldn't be seeing her for nearly 2 years.  So my sweet husband said, "you're going to go to Hawaii with your family," and I called up my dad to ask him if I could join them.  He was excited about my coming, and even offered to buy me tickets. I was speechless! (I have to say that I was not in any way fishing for his help in buying tickets.)  Now we could afford to send my hubby too!  Patiently we waited until we were out 60 days before our travel dat...