This is My Journey, Not Yours

I saw this quote for the first time a week ago on my friend's fridge. When I see most quotes I think, "oh that's a nice one," and then go off and forget about it within a minute. Not this one. This quote really resonated with me and I couldn't get it off of my mind. I'm still thinking about it a week later.

Early on in my pregnancy my doctor told me that I "was at risk for preterm labor" because of my past history (i.e, a uterine septum that was resected). They scared me with these words because I was born nearly 6 weeks preterm and I didn't want to have to go through that for my own. I wondered if my body would be able to do this whole pregnancy thing, especially with my past three miscarriages.

Now, here I am, two days away from being 39 weeks and have had no sign of impending labor, nor do I desire to be induced.

As I try and keep my mind and body occupied while I await my baby, I have been watching many of my friends post pictures of their new babies that have just arrived. I can't help but wonder when it will be my turn. As I see these beautiful pictures of squishy newborns, my inner competitive spirit emerges and I just want to hold my baby too! I have read seemingly every article about ways to naturally induce, but when it comes down to it, is this something I really need to be worrying about?

Who am I, who wears a wristwatch, to try and counsel Him who oversees cosmic clocks and calendars? What do I think I know about telling my baby when she should come, when I ought to just let her be and decide when it is right for her? The funny thing is that the more I focus on when she will come and wanting her to be here now, the more disconnected I feel from her spirit. The more I trust in God and my baby's ability to be born, the more loving and intimate I feel towards my sweet baby.

It doesn't matter if others have their babies now and I have to wait a bit longer. I won't be pregnant forever. This is my journey, not yours. I must learn to be content with what I am and where I am on my journey towards motherhood, and not get caught up in what I think should happen.

Comments

Hoping for a Rainbow

I'm really not sure if I ever thought this day would come. The day that I made it past 13 weeks pregnant without losing the baby. #miracle. I know I am not out of the woods yet, and honestly, when are we really? I am just trying to live every day with gratitude for the life inside of me, living with hope for the future. Part of me wanted to wait until next week, when I was past 14 weeks and officially in the 2nd trimester, but I couldn't wait any longer. I've been getting a little thick in the middle, which is getting more difficult to hide, and I feel like I haven't been able to be completely honest with friends when they would ask, "how are you doing?" All I wanted to talk about was how nauseous I was or how nervous I felt. So now, the news is out, whether or not you already suspected something was up. Seriously though, the 1st trimester is not for the faint of heart! There were many instances when I thought I would lose the baby, but dee...

The Day I was a Fisherman!

Oh my, that is a lot of fish! Valdez, Alaska, how you amaze me. First of all, you are absolutely gorgeous. Take a look: Here is the fish hatchery in Valdez. There are often a lot of bears here, though we didn't see any this trip. Lots of salmon! There are SO many waterfalls along the highway right outside of Valdez. Here is one of the many: My lovely husband, conquering Horsetail Falls! Thompson Pass in the Chugach Mountain Range. It is the snowiest place in Alaska in the winter ( according to this site ). So I really love scenery pictures more when there are people in them. Here is my attempt. The sun was so bright in my eyes and I was feeling pretty sick (it honestly hurt to smile), but I made it through nonetheless! And this is just us being cute, with Valdez in ...

Grandpa is Always Right | Gender Reveal |

I was hanging out in our rental apartment in Salzburg, Austria with my sister when my dad walked out of his bedroom and announced that I was having a girl. I was only 11 weeks along at that point and while I was wishfully hoping for a girl, I was preparing myself for a boy. His strong conviction of the gender of our child without any hints from an ultrasound surprised me. My dad seems to always be right about things, so I secretly hoped he was right this time too. Today during my scan, my favorite sonographer announced that we were having a girl. Grandpa is always right. I never imagined our family starting with a baby boy. I don't know why, but a baby girl seems to fit just perfectly. Now I just have to keep calm and stay healthy for 19 more weeks.

Tender Mercies

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