This is My Journey, Not Yours

I saw this quote for the first time a week ago on my friend's fridge. When I see most quotes I think, "oh that's a nice one," and then go off and forget about it within a minute. Not this one. This quote really resonated with me and I couldn't get it off of my mind. I'm still thinking about it a week later.

Early on in my pregnancy my doctor told me that I "was at risk for preterm labor" because of my past history (i.e, a uterine septum that was resected). They scared me with these words because I was born nearly 6 weeks preterm and I didn't want to have to go through that for my own. I wondered if my body would be able to do this whole pregnancy thing, especially with my past three miscarriages.

Now, here I am, two days away from being 39 weeks and have had no sign of impending labor, nor do I desire to be induced.

As I try and keep my mind and body occupied while I await my baby, I have been watching many of my friends post pictures of their new babies that have just arrived. I can't help but wonder when it will be my turn. As I see these beautiful pictures of squishy newborns, my inner competitive spirit emerges and I just want to hold my baby too! I have read seemingly every article about ways to naturally induce, but when it comes down to it, is this something I really need to be worrying about?

Who am I, who wears a wristwatch, to try and counsel Him who oversees cosmic clocks and calendars? What do I think I know about telling my baby when she should come, when I ought to just let her be and decide when it is right for her? The funny thing is that the more I focus on when she will come and wanting her to be here now, the more disconnected I feel from her spirit. The more I trust in God and my baby's ability to be born, the more loving and intimate I feel towards my sweet baby.

It doesn't matter if others have their babies now and I have to wait a bit longer. I won't be pregnant forever. This is my journey, not yours. I must learn to be content with what I am and where I am on my journey towards motherhood, and not get caught up in what I think should happen.

Comments

Hoping for a Rainbow

I'm really not sure if I ever thought this day would come. The day that I made it past 13 weeks pregnant without losing the baby. #miracle. I know I am not out of the woods yet, and honestly, when are we really? I am just trying to live every day with gratitude for the life inside of me, living with hope for the future. Part of me wanted to wait until next week, when I was past 14 weeks and officially in the 2nd trimester, but I couldn't wait any longer. I've been getting a little thick in the middle, which is getting more difficult to hide, and I feel like I haven't been able to be completely honest with friends when they would ask, "how are you doing?" All I wanted to talk about was how nauseous I was or how nervous I felt. So now, the news is out, whether or not you already suspected something was up. Seriously though, the 1st trimester is not for the faint of heart! There were many instances when I thought I would lose the baby, but dee...

I'm Pregnant! .....

...or so I thought. And you did too. Happy April Fools Day! I had been having baby dreams and feeling nauseous on and off during spring break, and I knew I would test immediately when I returned home from our road trip. The test was barely visible and I didn't believe it, so I said nothing to Marshall. That night I had a dream where the next pregnancy test I took was a solid double line. Well, two days after the first test, I got my obvious positive. I was so excited. Not knowing if it would be a good pregnancy or not, I tested again two days later and the line was darker, so I felt confident. The past two pregnancies I miscarried at approximately 6 or 7 weeks both times, so I was pretty nervous about this one. What if it happened again? Would I be strong enough? Knowing that I needed extra strength and prayers, I asked roughly 40 of our family and closest friends to fast and pray with us on Easter Sunday. That Sunday I was on the top of the world. I felt so strong an...

The Power of a Slice of Bacon

Nothing to do with a Army PT test, but this was at the "Beat Beethoven 5K" on the 13th of April I have always been a big supporter of setting personal goals and making a plan to follow through with them, especially when it comes to athletics and performance. But I also know that these goals really are a personal endeavor, and no one can make another accomplish the goal. The motivation and effort has to come from the individual setting the goal. But I may be wrong. A slice of bacon might have the power to help a person accomplish a certain goal. Let me explain. Ever since my husband entered the Army, just shy of 2 years ago, he has been saying he was going to get a perfect score of 300 on his PT test. I believed in him, and kept waiting for him to come home from his PT tests with that perfect score. But he seemed to always come shy of the elusive 300, by just a couple of points. How could I help hi...

Tender Mercies

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