Tender Mercies

I woke up one day in January, feeling a sense of urgency to have another child. My baby was 10 months old. It took us 5 years to get her here, so a part of me thought we should start trying ASAP because of my unpredictable fertility. For a few weeks, I fought an internal battle about my choice to breastfeed for a year. Nursing isn't technically birth control, but in my case, it was a pretty good bet. I felt guilty for wanting to go to a year because what if I was preventing another baby to come sooner? Was it wrong for me to want to nurse my miracle baby for a year, thus making the possibility of baby #2 come later? But then if I stopped nursing her before I year, was I withholding some sort of bonding or nutrition opportunity from her? For weeks I tossed these thoughts around, seeking advice and wisdom from trusted friends and family. I soon came to the realization that I loved nursing. I didn't want to stop. I felt peace when I nursed my daughter and I had made...

Dear Adelai, It's pretty amazing how much my your aunts and uncles adore you. We spent your first holiday season with your Grandma and Grandpa Whipple and your aunts and uncles on that side of the family. Everyone gave you so much attention, and your Aunt Hannah said that one of the best parts of her trip was kissing the adorable cheeks on the cutest niece ever. Complements like this were constant and it made me feel good to be your mom and to have others love you so much. I hope you can always know you are beautiful! When I was a young girl, maybe around 10 years old, I wrote in my journal that I didn't want to change anything about my body. What freedom it was for me to feel that way! As the years passed, I slowly started to listen to some lies and felt that I needed to change certain aspects of my body. It has been a big work in progress as I have come to love my body unconditionally. I hope you can love yourself throughout your life, and...

An amazing thing happened after I gave birth to my first child: I was proud of my body, swollen belly and all. I expected I would still look pregnant after I had my baby and I was mighty nervous about how I would feel; what I didn't expect was the peace that came with my changed body. I remember changing into my "going-home" clothes as we were preparing to leave the hospital, and I didn't even try to suck in my belly or hide its bulge by wearing my husband's clothes. (Okay, technically I was wearing his pajama bottoms, but anyone who has had a baby knows how impossibly uncomfortable it is to wear formfitting pants 24 hours after delivery!) When Marshall and I went on a mini-date to the grocery store the following evening, I even joked about whether or not people around us were wondering how far along pregnant I was. I didn't care.  My body had sustained life for exactly 273 days.  My body had pushed out a beautiful, perfect little girl.  Why...

I was feeling completely under the weather today. All I wanted to do was sit on the couch and read or sleep.  It really is strange when I have days like this because I'm usually the girl who hates to sit down and loves her walks and yoga practice. My instinct is to feel guilty for not having any motivation whatsoever, but you could say that I am a recovering "guilt-addict." :-).  I'm reminded of Santosa, a term we use in yoga that means contentment. Contentment with oneself. It is a step towards inner peace and self-compassion. Santosa is accepting what happens, and it is also living in the present moment and feeling the satisfaction of having enough. Today I practiced santosa by giving myself some compassion and realizing that I am enough, despite my lack of motivation.  Actually, practicing self contentment and compassion today allowed me the freedom to do be kind to myself and give my body some space to rejuvenate without being worn down. I allowed mys...

Are you living your truth?   For the first 4 years of my marriage I thought I was spending my days doing what made me happy by running for fun and coaching ice skating. Quite frankly, I never wanted to be a skating coach. I remember when I was a pre-teen telling my mom that I never wanted to coach, but eventually it was just what I ended up doing to pay for my training. Coaching skating was a very good job to have during college, and I am grateful for the opportunities that I had when I was in Alaska. I wouldn't trade it for anything.  But coaching isn't all I am made of.  Recently you've probably noticed I've retired from coaching and switched my life a bit. In an email written to my mom and dad in March 2015, I wrote, in part,  All I truly want to be is a wife and mother. When I was in 2nd and 3rd grade I made posters in school when I was "star of the week." In one of the bubbles I had to write what I wanted to be. I always put a picture of m...

For the past month, I have been thinking about how to cultivate self-love. I think it is an important topic that many can relate to. Throughout this post I am going to highlight some tips that have worked for me to cultivate my personal self-love.  Back in September, my husband and I went to the Kansas City Temple for a date night and I asked Marshall to take some pictures for me. I didn't know that would mean a whole bunch of candid shots :-). I suppose I don't mind much, since they do a pretty nice job of capturing the mood I was in. I hope you enjoy the pictures and tips. 1. Name your inner "mean" voice. It's that voice that tells you you're ugly, fat, not good enough, (fill in the blank), even when they are obvious lies. This voice gets much of its motivation from negative media. I named mine Bertha . Isn't that an awesome name? The fun part about naming the mean voice is that it often makes you laugh when you say it because it i...