Tender Mercies

This past month has been hard. Really hard.  I have cried, said irrational things, and moped around.  But I've also tried to laugh, taken the kids out to play with friends, lightly exercised, hung out with my husband, and have continued my spiritual habits of prayer and scripture study.  I've also made more of an effort to reach out to those who are in greater need. I have found that I am my happiest when I turn my efforts outward instead of inward. Kind of ironic how I was asked to work with the young women (girls ages 12-18) in my church just a couple of days before the miscarriage hit because now I have more opportunities to turn my efforts outward than I have ever had before. Except for I know it is not a coincidence.   This past weekend we celebrated Memorial Day. Marshall and I decided to go on a simple picnic dinner together to celebrate, though the rest of the day was uneventful. It had been a hot and humid day, so we welcomed the clouds that covered

Disclaimer: While this post is directed to my experience with a miscarriage, I feel like the principles can apply to any tough situation for anyone.  The past 2.5 weeks have been surreal. From the elation of pregnancy achievement to the grief of miscarriage, I feel as though I have traveled the whole gamut of human emotion. My body has played a pretty intense symphony of hormonal changes in such a short period of time, so I suppose my random crying episodes during this time may have been validated.  But how am I doing now, one week after losing the pregnancy? That's what this post is all about. If you're going through a trial that seems to be ripping your heart out, I am sure we can relate. Hopefully you can glean something out of what has helped me, to help you out as well.  1. Acknowledge What You're Feeling.   It was really important that I allowed myself to be sad and cry about losing the pregnancy. As much as I wanted to be "super woman" and m

Last week was the happiest week of my life. As I looked down at the two solid pink lines on the test, my whole being filled with relief and joy. My dream had come true. I was finally going to be a mom! Everything seemed to have fallen in place for us. We excitedly told our parents and siblings and I told a few close friends, but it nearly killed me to not tell everyone. I'm not one for secrets.  It was an exciting week as we dreamed about our future family and researched various doctors, midwives, doulas, and birthing centers. I was feeling great. No nausea, just a little bit more tired than normal. Although I was only 6 weeks along, I already had a connection to the embryo inside of me.  It was only a week later that I started to spot and had a little bit of cramping. I hoped it was just a silly pregnancy scare, so I went to bed early hoping to sleep it off. But my heart was heavy and I think I already knew. I awoke at 11 PM in severe pain that came in waves, allowing m