When I was a college student, I was given a syllabus at the start of every semester. It laid out exactly what I needed to do to earn an A: turn in all assignments on time, go to office hours, study, and email my professors when I had questions. Getting an A was pretty straight forward and though lots of work was required, I was able to obtain my goal. I've learned that pregnancy is not like this. There is no owner's manual (even though What to Expect When You're Expecting can be a good resource, it's not perfectly tailored to the individual).
During this pregnancy, I have learned that no matter how well I eat, sleep, exercise, or do what my doctor advises, the pregnancy is still going to do what it wants to do. I need to surrender. Surrender to the way my baby girl has decided to grow, all while doing my best to be my best, healthy self. This is not a "check-the-box" approach like getting good grades in college was.
When I began this pregnancy, I had a midwife who I adored. I was really excited to work with her, but at 16 weeks, I was told that "because of my history," I needed to be transferred to an OB. I had a small uterine septum that was resected in 2013, which basically means the inside of my uterus was not an oval, but rather was more heart shaped. Well, because I "might" still have some scar tissue from where they burned away the septum, there is a "chance" that my uterus could rupture during labor. Having a physician present at birth, rather than a midwife, would be prudent because midwives can't operate on patients. When this news came my way, I was shaken up pretty badly. I felt like my body wasn't good enough, that my body wouldn't be able to do what I always wanted it to do. Through time and the counsel of my husband and close friends, I know this is for the best and I am at peace with it.
Nine weeks later, at week 25, I took my gestational diabetes screen. I had been dreading this test since forever, because the idea of drinking 50 grams of pure glucose, laden with chemicals and dyes, when I don't even enjoy soda pop, sounded terrible. My blood result, an hour after drinking the concoction was 137. The passing score used to be below 140, but they recently lowered it to 136. I failed by one measly point! This first test was not enough to diagnose me with gestational diabetes (many people fail the first test who pass the second), and I was asked to take the 3 hour version of the test. In that test, I believe you drink 100 g of glucose while fasting, and they take your blood in three hourly increments. I declined taking any subsequent testing.
I went to my 28 week appointment a couple of days ago. At that appointment, we went over baby girl's positioning and my glucose test results. Baby is in a diagonal breech position, and while it is too early to stress about her being in the perfect position yet, I got nervous about this news. They will do monthly sonograms from here on out to make sure my uterus is growing appropriately, and I keep my trust in God that it will keep growing properly, despite the fact that there is a chance it might not because of my 2013 septum resection. If this is the case, she wouldn't have room to turn head down.
Pregnancy can come with so many concerns and cautions, and I've been learning that it is not healthy to dwell on what is out of my control. Surrender.
After I talked with my doctor about baby girl's growth so far and her positioning, she asked me why I didn't take the follow-up 3 hour gestational diabetes test. If I failed the next test, I would need to talk with a registered dietitian and monitor my glucose 4 times a day (morning, and 2 hours after each meal). Knowing how well speaking with a dietitian has gone for me in the past, I knew that would be a waste of my time and $$. I didn't want to pay for the 3 hour test either. With my doctor's permission, I have chosen to by-pass the test and dietitian, and I purchased an over-the-counter generic glucose meter from Dillons for $17. That price sure beats the cost of what I would have had to do.
My doctor told me that my fasting blood sugar needed to be below 90, and she wanted it below 120 two hours after each meal. If I did this, I wouldn't need to be worried about whether or not I actually did have gestational diabetes because my blood sugar would be in check. I like this solution so much more, because I don't want to have a gestational diabetes on my medical record for future doctors to know about and label me with. Making sure I eat what my body and baby can handle are more important to me. So far my blood sugar has been good. 2 hours after dinner last night it was 81. That's definitely not diabetic.
No, my pregnancy has not gone perfectly as I had planned in my little mind. But who can't help but love the little cheeks in the ultrasound picture at the top of this post? And how about these adorable little feet and the kissable mouth? That's what keeps me going each day. She is mine and she is perfect for me.
God is close to us and aware of us and never hides from His faithful children--(Henry B. Eyring, 2012)
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