"I Don't Know."--A Typical Army Wife Answer

Ahh sometimes I feel like my brain and emotions are going to go crazy. I keep reminding myself of our vacation planned for this summer, and the long-awaited break and relaxation I will enjoy. Until then, it is just enjoying the crazy and uncertainty of Army and coaching life, and the beautiful Alaskan summer.

A random & last minute decision to go floating on Chena Lake this past Memorial Day. It was a good decision. I am learning to take advantage of the time we do have together!

This has been such a long a faith-building year for me. Many know of Marshall's application to the Green-to-Gold Army Scholarship program, and many, many of you have inquired as to its status. Well, I would like to know the status too!  This journey, for all intents and purposes, began last June when we decided he would apply for this year and begin school in August 2014, provided he wins the scholarship. Last year, no one applied for the scholarship in Alaska, so we were optimistic about this year's prospects. But many soldiers had that brilliant idea this year too, so we have some competition. Here is the breakdown of what has happened so far:

June 2013: Bought ACT practice book and began studying

September-November 2013: Apply for schools & ROTC programs

October: Retook the ACT 

December: He was accepted to Kansas University in Lawrence, Kansas

January 2014: He was accepted into the ROTC program

October-January: LOTS of appointments & early morning phone calls with people on Post and at KU to get the application completed

February: Green-to-Gold Application turned in!!

March: Wait

April: Wait

May: Wait. 

May 27th: Email notifying him that his application has been received and he will be contacted about an interview by the end of May and a final decision by the end of June. Hmm. Okay. 

June 4th: Still waiting. 

I think our family and my skating parents and students think we are making this all up. 

"So have you heard anything about the scholarship?" 

"When are you moving?"

My reply is: 

"I don't know." 

"I am here until you don't see me anymore." haha. Typical Army wife answer I suppose!

I think it is difficult for me because I have skaters I am responsible for and I am naturally a Type-A planner. I have a calendar and write down everything, but I have had to learn to let some of that go recently, because the Army just has its own schedule. For example, we were planning an outing for this weekend to go to the Arctic circle and hot springs up north. I was super excited to enjoy 24 hours of daylight, nature, my hubby, and nothing, literally nothing to bother me. We even bought extra gas cans to take gas with us because of the scarcity of stuff up north. It was going to be awesome. And it still is. But I don't know when.  Marshall called me yesterday to tell me that plans changed (surprise, surprise) and he was going to the field on Friday for an indefinite number of days or weeks. Okay. It's the best answer I have. No reason to get upset or frustrated. Just whatever. I am getting so good at changing my plans (my parents are probably laughing as they recall my teenage years when I was not so good).  

Here is what I have to remind myself:

1. He is not deployed
2. I am not alone at home with a bazillion kids
3. I know how to keep myself productive and happy (I do have a job after all)
4. My husband loves me
5. Uncertainty and disappointments strengthen me and my faith!

Most of all, this experience has really brought to light the realness of following the Lord's will. This challenge, along with the challenge of bearing children, may seem so small to some of you. I know it is not catastrophic. But it is real to me. And it has helped me rely on the Lord to a greater extent than I have ever done in my life; for this I am grateful. 

These words from Boyd K. Packer, a leader of my church, explain my feelings well:

"As we ask these questions, we realize that the purpose of our life on earth is to grow, develop, and be strengthened through our own experiences. How do we do this? The scriptures give us an answer in one simple phrase: we “wait upon the Lord.”¹² Tests and trials are given to all of us. These mortal challenges allow us and our Heavenly Father to see whether we will exercise our agency to follow His Son. He already knows, and we have the opportunity to learn, that no matter how difficult our circumstances, “all these things shall [be for our] experience, and … [our] good.”¹³

Does this mean we will always understand our challenges? Won’t all of us, sometime, have reason to ask, “O God, where art thou?”¹⁴ Yes! When a spouse dies, a companion will wonder. When financial hardship befalls afamily, a father will ask. When children wander from the path, a mother and father will cry out in sorrow. Yes, “weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”¹⁵ Then, in the dawn of our increased faith and understanding, we arise and choose to wait upon the Lord, saying, “Thy will be done.”

He knows your sacrifices and your sorrows. He hears your prayers. His peace and rest will be yours as you continue to wait upon Him in faith.

Every one of us is more beloved to the Lord than we can possibly understand or imagine. Let us therefore be kinder to one another and kinder toward ourselves. Let us remember that as we wait upon the Lord, we are becoming “saint[s] through [His] atonement, … submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [us], even as a child doth submit to his father.”

Click here for the full talk from President Packer.  

 I promise, when we find out what the situation is with the scholarship, our family and friends will know. Just because we live off in far away Alaska, doesn't mean we have forgotten about everyone else :). I love you all. xoxo

Chena Lakes, Memorial Day 2014