The Love of a Cousin

Swimming Babes-2006

"What do I do when I get pregnant again?" I asked.

My sweet cousin was on the other end of the phone call when I sought out her wisdom and support. 3 years younger than me, she is in her 3rd pregnancy and ready to deliver her first baby in less than 2 months. She was the first person I wanted to talk to when I miscarried the first time, just 2 months after her ectopic pregnancy back in the spring of 2015. For some reason, I just had this connection to her, like maybe because she was born in the same generation as me and going through similar circumstances, that she would understand.

Now, 13 months after my first miscarriage, I find myself going through mental exercises every day to prepare myself to trust my body for my 4th and hopefully successful pregnancy; part of that exercise today was to call my cousin up and have a nice chat about our lives and try to get some insights.

We were both strong-headed children growing up--often getting upset over the littlest things. She has definitely out-grown this trait in my eyes, and I hope I have improved a bit on my end as well, but sometimes our siblings or parents forget that we have changed and respond to us the same way as when we were living at home, even though we have grown up and matured a little bit.

She used this as an analogy to how I need to treat my body when I do conceive again. I can't treat the next pregnancy like it will be like the past failed pregnancies. I have to allow my body to go it's course and trust myself and the Lord wholeheartedly.

Replace FEAR with FAITH. (easier said than done. I know.)

So here is to the future, always remembering:

"I am not what has happened to me.

I am what I choose to BECOME."

-Carl Jung

2010

Skating fun--2010

Late nights can make one overly silly

Thanks so much for your support, lil' cuz! You just always know what to say to boost my morale!
You're going to be the best mommy.

Comments

Hoping for a Rainbow

I'm really not sure if I ever thought this day would come. The day that I made it past 13 weeks pregnant without losing the baby. #miracle. I know I am not out of the woods yet, and honestly, when are we really? I am just trying to live every day with gratitude for the life inside of me, living with hope for the future. Part of me wanted to wait until next week, when I was past 14 weeks and officially in the 2nd trimester, but I couldn't wait any longer. I've been getting a little thick in the middle, which is getting more difficult to hide, and I feel like I haven't been able to be completely honest with friends when they would ask, "how are you doing?" All I wanted to talk about was how nauseous I was or how nervous I felt. So now, the news is out, whether or not you already suspected something was up. Seriously though, the 1st trimester is not for the faint of heart! There were many instances when I thought I would lose the baby, but dee

I'm Pregnant! .....

...or so I thought. And you did too. Happy April Fools Day! I had been having baby dreams and feeling nauseous on and off during spring break, and I knew I would test immediately when I returned home from our road trip. The test was barely visible and I didn't believe it, so I said nothing to Marshall. That night I had a dream where the next pregnancy test I took was a solid double line. Well, two days after the first test, I got my obvious positive. I was so excited. Not knowing if it would be a good pregnancy or not, I tested again two days later and the line was darker, so I felt confident. The past two pregnancies I miscarried at approximately 6 or 7 weeks both times, so I was pretty nervous about this one. What if it happened again? Would I be strong enough? Knowing that I needed extra strength and prayers, I asked roughly 40 of our family and closest friends to fast and pray with us on Easter Sunday. That Sunday I was on the top of the world. I felt so strong an

Grandpa is Always Right | Gender Reveal |

I was hanging out in our rental apartment in Salzburg, Austria with my sister when my dad walked out of his bedroom and announced that I was having a girl. I was only 11 weeks along at that point and while I was wishfully hoping for a girl, I was preparing myself for a boy. His strong conviction of the gender of our child without any hints from an ultrasound surprised me. My dad seems to always be right about things, so I secretly hoped he was right this time too. Today during my scan, my favorite sonographer announced that we were having a girl. Grandpa is always right. I never imagined our family starting with a baby boy. I don't know why, but a baby girl seems to fit just perfectly. Now I just have to keep calm and stay healthy for 19 more weeks.

Tender Mercies

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