Recovering from A Restricted Eating Disorder: 1 Year In.

Recovering from a restricted eating disorder is hard. 

Really hard.

February 26th, 2016 marks the 1 year anniversary of regaining my lady's cycle and subsequently, the path towards regaining my full fertility. 

For 8 years (2006-2014) I struggled with a restrictive eating disorder, namely orthorexia and anorexia athletica which led me to have hypothalamic amenorrhea. I wrote about my experiences in detail in my post titled, A Letter to My Sisters and Future Daughters, last year. When my period returned in February 2015, I naively thought the main battle was over. While I don't want to discredit the grand accomplishment I had achieved by gaining 20 pounds and cutting WAY back on exercise, the greatest challenge for me in my life has been these past 12 months as I have waded through the recovery process.  Why is that?

When a person lives with a restrictive eating disorder for any period of time, the body shuts down all the "unnecessary" systems such as reproduction and mood regulation to save resources to keep her alive. I had lived for 8 years with a restrictive eating disorder during which time I did not have a cycle and which I was prone to many emotional fluctuations. There is no way for me to know the cumulative calorie deficit I experienced over those years, but if you include all the exercise I did without the added nutrition that would have been required to maintain homeostasis in my body, the number is probably staggering.

The average recovery time for someone with a restrictive eating disorder is 18-22 months. That's a year and a half!  I regained my period 2 months after diving head first into my recovery but I was no way near remission. In order to recover fully, I needed to eat enough calories to give my body extra fuel to first, repair the damage that had been done, and second, maintain reproductive health and emotional balance. That's a lot of work. I can only imagine how much quicker I might have recovered if I had not become pregnant twice within 6 months, the first pregnancy happening 45 days after my cycle returned after its 8 year hiatus. Wow, was I giving my body a LOT to work through! No wonder I miscarried.

I love seeing the progress I have made. As I hit the 1 year mark of my cycle's grand return, I marvel at the beauty of the body healing on its own. Back in 2013 and 2014 I went to doctors to have them help me get pregnant, but all they wanted to do was give me hormonal therapy. I wasn't going to do that. That's when I took this journey towards recovery on my own, with my husband as my counselor by my side the entire way. I had to fix it naturally and thoroughly, which I am doing. *happy dance!*

The biggest things I have learned through my recovery process (which is not yet over) are as follows:

1. Say NO: This was a big one for me these past two months. During recovery, your body gets SO tired as it repairs and rebuilds the body. People may not understand why you are tired or why you just stay in and don't go to girl's nights and go to bed at 8:30. But you know that you need to honor your body and what it is telling you. Once you have recovered, your energy will be more regulated. 
2. Eat whenever you're hungry or feel like eating: Your body has lacked the necessary calories for so many years, so now is the time to repair. The mainstream eating guidelines will tell you that you should strive to eat smaller portions and not stack between meals and not eat past a certain time at night. Whether this advice is warranted, for someone recovering from a restrictive eating disorder, it is necessary to eat intuitively. I always make sure I have something to eat with me so that I can keep my metabolism up and keep the repair process going. It also means that if you wake up in the middle of the night starving, you go and eat a something to satiate your stomach until breakfast. It will make you sleep better too! 
3. Find a support team: My husband was the greatest counselor I could have had. I went to a psychologist for two visits this summer, but I did not find the real deep help from her that I got from counseling with my husband. He understood me through and through and having him help me through my anxieties has only made us closer as a team. He always tells me I am beautiful and that is always important for a girl to hear on a daily basis. My God has also been an incredible strength to me. 

The healing has been miraculous. I have finally seen small glimpses of the fruits of my labors from the past year shine their light in sweet 2016. My cycle has become regular, an incredible feat all on its own. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I feel more empowered in my efforts and in the toolbox I have created to help me through the hardest challenge yet. 

May you have the power and courage to beat your greatest challenge in your life. You're amazing.