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Dear Adelai |11 Months| : Follow Your Heart


Dear Adelai,
There is only one month left of you being a baby. I'm starting to see glimpses into your toddler years and it excites and terrifies me at the same time. I've begun thinking about and planning how to wean you. When you were first born, I had the goal of breastfeeding you for a year, but secretly I hoped we could continue longer. You and I have always had a good nursing relationship. I am the only one who can breastfeed you and give you that sort of comfort and I didn't want anyone to take that away. I worked so hard and waited so long to meet you, that I want to hold onto you forever and keep giving you the nourishment of mother's milk and snuggle you against my chest; you won't snuggle otherwise.

But I am tired. It's a good tired, but it's still fatigue.

And you are growing up.

I was torn about when to wean and how to do it.

The funny thing about researching a problem and seeking answers is that you can find any answer you want online and in books. There are so many ways to do things and so many opinions that you can find convincing evidence for whatever side you're leaning. But you have to follow your heart. You have to do what resonates with you. You have to follow the path that brings you peace and comfort. Because fear is not of God. Peace is.

So instead of spending hours online, trying to figure out how and when to wean you, I turned to my friends. I called and spoke with a handful of my trusted friends and asked them about their weaning experiences. And you know what? They were all different. But there was one common theme, and that was each of them did what was best for them. If mom is healthy and happy, then baby follows suit. Each one of their stories was different but they were all variations of the same theme. This gave me hope and confidence to follow my own path and to wean you in a way that works for our family.



It hasn't been easy. You still nurse throughout the day, but we have begun weaning your night nursing sessions. Dad has been getting up at your first wake up and helping you go back to sleep. I still nurse you once at night and once in the early morning to help you sleep for 12  hours, but we aren't nursing every 2-4 hours like the past months. It has been so nice and you have been adjusting well. Soon we will eliminate all feeding sessions at night, but all in good time.

No one could tell me how to wean you. Not even Dad. But together, the three of us have come up with a plan that seems to be working, at least for now. I have pushed aside all "shoulds" and social norms and decided to follow my heart. It doesn't matter what others do. What matters is my health and my happiness, which will trickle down to you and help you thrive.

I love you baby girl. Thank you for letting me breastfeed you for one year. We have 4 more weeks together during the day and then we will find other ways to connect and bond. But until then, I will soak up every moment with you against my bosom.

Follow your heart, Princess. Trust yourself. Don't get stuck because you think you "should" do something one way and don't feel like you need to do something because of a certain trend. You follow what resonates with you and what makes you feel peace. Follow your heart.

Love,
Mom




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