Tender Mercies

It was as though I clammed up over this past holiday season. Yes, the holidays with family were well spent and enjoyable, however, there seemed to be a sense of sadness that I had a difficult time shaking loose. I enjoyed high points every day filled with smiles and laughter, but I was easily shaken to tears and I often sent myself on "time-outs" to have some alone time. When Marshall and I returned home the first week of January, I knew I had to make a change. I couldn't go on in the way that I had been. Everywhere I went I saw pregnant ladies, reminding me of what I wanted so badly and had lost. No, I couldn't break into tears or run away each time I saw a baby bump because let's face it, I am always going to run into lots of pregnant ladies out there and crying is exhausting and I'll have my chance someday. There are people in my life to love, to cherish, to strengthen. How could I do that for people when I myself wasn't willing to accept where ...

My birthday happens to be National Hug Day. So naturally, we had to take a picture commemorating it! Two weeks ago my dad emailed me, asking me what I wanted for my birthday. At the time, my sister was touring Europe with my mom before beginning her semester-long internship in London. I told my dad that I wanted a plane ticket to Europe, but that I was just kidding. Except for that I wasn't. But let's be realistic here.  I celebrated my birthday this past week and was definitely spoiled by family and friends, most especially by my sweet guy. It all began on my birthday eve when, upon finishing up dinner, I told him that I just wanted to go take a hot lavender-salt bath.  He told me he would clean up from dinner and that I was to not worry about a thing. My body and mind thanked me as my muscles relaxed after a heavy day of stretching and yoga.   The next day I did not see Marshall until 6:20 PM. I began my day with a lovely yoga session in my living room, my ...

Recently I've been praying really hard to find out what my "calling" is in life. I want a "purpose," a clear direct path to wake up for each day. When I was in college, I assumed I was studying to become a doctor of some sort, thinking I would be practicing medicine until the babies came, but when it came time to apply for grad school, I didn't feel right about it. I didn't further my formal education in that way. After graduation I moved to Alaska where I coached ice skating part time and found satisfaction in that. We've now lived in Kansas for one year. This past spring I was looking into massage school and starting there, only to have the owner of the school ask me to teach one of their night classes because he was impressed with my application. There again, although I wanted to accept, I didn't feel right about it and declined, only to find out the next day that I was pregnant. I felt like it was an answer to why I didn't feel good a...