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| photo credit: Victor Whipple |
I was sitting on the couch the other day watching my baby play. She won't be a baby for much longer and I think there is a part of me that is mourning. Toddlerhood is coming towards us like a runaway train. Lately I've noticed some little quirks about my baby and wondered if something was wrong with her.
Is it normal for her to pull at her hair while shes's nursing? Why does she hit herself or bonk her head against the wall (albeit gently)? Why is she grinding her little baby teeth? Why does she have to put EVERYTHING into her mouth?? Shouldn't she have outgrown this by now?
As I was thinking all of these things, I realized I didn't want my baby to have any weaknesses. I didn't want to accept that she would struggle with things or have some silly idiosyncrasies. Why couldn't she just stay by perfect little baby forever?
But isn't that what motherhood is all about? It's about learning to let go and let God. It's about learning how to let our children fail from time to time and teach them how to get back up on their feet. It is about loving them unconditionally despite of imperfections.
When I was a kid, I wasn't the best ice skater. I repeatedly placed near the bottom, despite my best efforts. But my parents still loved me. They never used my talents on the ice as a judgement on how much they would love and nurture and cherish me. They loved me despite my failings on the ice. And because of this, the few successes I did have on the ice meant so much more to us. They allowed me to fail and succeed and I learned that they just loved me for being me.
So as my baby continues to grow up, I need to love her. She'll have struggles just like the rest of us. We will have to work through them together; some of them we will be able to fix and others we won't. But that doesn't mean I love her any less or that God isn't a God of miracles. Life is a miracle and I need to teach her every day to find those little blessings. So maybe I do want her to fail. Because it is through failing that we come to know who God is and we come to realize how strong we really are.
Beautiful Jenessa! It's a beautiful thing to learn how much God loves us! And how to allow God's love to be within us to give to others. More beautiful than having all "our dreams come true," is to come to learn again our loving God and to honor Him. I love you and your little one so much! You are a wonderful mom.
ReplyDeleteAnd those are beautiful pictures by Victor Whipple!!!
ReplyDeleteLove the post. <3 And that first picture seriously looks like it came out of a magazine or something! Awesome shot!
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