Tender Mercies

Everyone has a different path. A different way to accomplish a task than their neighbor, sister, brother, or spouse. Yet, we can all learn from each other and celebrate in everyone's "big wins."  When I lost my 3rd pregnancy in a row in April 2016, I knew I needed a plan. It had been 11 months of positive pregnancy tests, miscarriages, and grief. I'm not one to give up on my dreams. I always complete whatever I start, and I knew I hadn't given conception it's fair chance.  Sure, I had started taking prenatals a couple of years ago, improved my diet in 2013, and switched from over-exercising to healthy movement, all for the sake of improved fertility. But for me, it was time for my husband to get on board too. Conception is a team sport. You've got to have two healthy people to have the best chance at a healthy baby. It takes about 42-76 days for a sperm to mature and 90 days for  an egg, and many specialists suggest a 180 day pre-conception pla...

I was hanging out in our rental apartment in Salzburg, Austria with my sister when my dad walked out of his bedroom and announced that I was having a girl. I was only 11 weeks along at that point and while I was wishfully hoping for a girl, I was preparing myself for a boy. His strong conviction of the gender of our child without any hints from an ultrasound surprised me. My dad seems to always be right about things, so I secretly hoped he was right this time too. Today during my scan, my favorite sonographer announced that we were having a girl. Grandpa is always right. I never imagined our family starting with a baby boy. I don't know why, but a baby girl seems to fit just perfectly. Now I just have to keep calm and stay healthy for 19 more weeks.

Recovering from a restricted eating disorder is hard.  Really hard. February 26th, 2016 marks the 1 year anniversary of regaining my lady's cycle and subsequently, the path towards regaining my full fertility.  For 8 years (2006-2014) I struggled with a restrictive eating disorder, namely orthorexia and anorexia athletica  which led me to have hypothalamic amenorrhea. I wrote about my experiences in detail in my post titled,  A Letter to My Sisters and Future Daughters , last year. When my period returned in February 2015, I naively thought the main battle was over. While I don't want to discredit the grand accomplishment I had achieved by gaining 20 pounds and cutting WAY back on exercise, the greatest challenge for me in my life has been these past 12 months as I have waded through the recovery process.  Why is that? When a person lives with a restrictive eating disorder for any period of time, the body shuts down all the "unnecessary" ...

It has been a long journey these past two years. Throughout the experiences of many doctor visits, lab tests, ultrasounds, and a surgical procedure, I have been very grateful for health insurance. I cannot complain about being in the Army and the ability to just go to the hospital and get lab work done without paying anything for it. But there came a point when we exhausted our resources here in Fairbanks, and had to chose between putting our family on hold or paying out-of-pocket to see a fertility specialist in town (there is no Army fertility specialist in Alaska).  At first, my Army gynecologist said I would be able to get the initial consultation with the specialist paid for by our health coverage. But after the referral was denied, she said that because fertility is an elective procedure, nothing would be covered.  This is why we have savings, no? After a few weeks of praying and thinking about it with Marshall, we decided it was time to go forward and make t...