This is My Journey, Not Yours

I saw this quote for the first time a week ago on my friend's fridge. When I see most quotes I think, "oh that's a nice one," and then go off and forget about it within a minute. Not this one. This quote really resonated with me and I couldn't get it off of my mind. I'm still thinking about it a week later.

Early on in my pregnancy my doctor told me that I "was at risk for preterm labor" because of my past history (i.e, a uterine septum that was resected). They scared me with these words because I was born nearly 6 weeks preterm and I didn't want to have to go through that for my own. I wondered if my body would be able to do this whole pregnancy thing, especially with my past three miscarriages.

Now, here I am, two days away from being 39 weeks and have had no sign of impending labor, nor do I desire to be induced.

As I try and keep my mind and body occupied while I await my baby, I have been watching many of my friends post pictures of their new babies that have just arrived. I can't help but wonder when it will be my turn. As I see these beautiful pictures of squishy newborns, my inner competitive spirit emerges and I just want to hold my baby too! I have read seemingly every article about ways to naturally induce, but when it comes down to it, is this something I really need to be worrying about?

Who am I, who wears a wristwatch, to try and counsel Him who oversees cosmic clocks and calendars? What do I think I know about telling my baby when she should come, when I ought to just let her be and decide when it is right for her? The funny thing is that the more I focus on when she will come and wanting her to be here now, the more disconnected I feel from her spirit. The more I trust in God and my baby's ability to be born, the more loving and intimate I feel towards my sweet baby.

It doesn't matter if others have their babies now and I have to wait a bit longer. I won't be pregnant forever. This is my journey, not yours. I must learn to be content with what I am and where I am on my journey towards motherhood, and not get caught up in what I think should happen.

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Tender Mercies

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